Footnote: Memorial Day Eve, 1981

As the waitress served

our table, you declared your

lesbian choice; out!

The pizza, largest size there,

remained---paid for, uneaten.



Author's Notes/Comments: 

The potential for misunderstanding calls for additional explanation.  On Memorial Day weekend, she called me, quite unexpectedly, to say that she would be home from college for the weekend; and that she wanted to go out to pizza.  I believed that this was a date, and that the renewal of our relationship---which had been prompted a month before by her sister---was about to become serious.  In a most festive mood, I ordered the largest and most elaborate pizza available.  As it was delivered to the table, she declared---to me, and in the presence of the waitress---that she was "exploring her identity as a lesbian," and had not the least interest in more, from me, that ordinary friendship.  I do not judge her choice; although she abandoned the lifestyle when she received a better offer, eighteen months later.  But I think she could have chosen another way to present it. 

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Stephen's picture


Before her declaration, did she first say, "This is not about you. This is about me?" Women always said this to me when they were moving on,

Starward's picture

I think so, but I cannot say

I think so, but I cannot say for sure as the shock of her announcement (and you should have seen the waitress's face . . . this was in 1981) kind of blanked out everything that happened before.  (For example, I cannot remember getting ready, that night, to pick her up; and what I did immediately after we parted is also a blur.)  


She is now a very conservative Christian with a husband and a child.  Some fifteen years ago, when her father passed, i located her email and, with her husband's permission, sent my condolences.  I received a fairly detailed apology, shedding a lot of light on what really happened at Wittenberg in 1978.  No mention was made of her experimental interlude in 1981.