Single Action

Under the influence of love
Drunken I am with your sweet caress
What would I do if I lost you now?
What would I do if you knew?

No peace loving man am I
although I wish it could be so
My thoughts turn violent in a moment of truth
the answer lies within a strike

So many have I crushed
they sought to do you harm
I tell you what I did to them
would cause you great alarm

If I had more than a single life
I would die again
to protect you from an early grave
to give you an easy way

You would not love me if you knew
the things that I have done
You would scorn me, your heart would break
affections you'd have none

I know this path will ruin me
but I will get you there
you will never know
how wicked I have been

You thought it luck, or providence
we'd never been attacked
if only you had known
gained understanding that you lacked

I needed your purity
idealist novelty
my pessimistic negativity
bowed to your bright vivacity

Now this thing itself is vivified
if you passed, then I would die
but none have succeeded in taking me there
to the gates of hell, or heaven's stare

How many rounds? I made each one
I poured the powder, I packed the grain
Until each cartridge was sealed and done
with no thoughts of my disdain

a name was writ on every shell
to send those men straight to hell
and thus I shall follow them
to see you to your journey's end

I do not intend to wash my hands
I leave them dirty still
I beg not God's forgiveness
he may forgive me if he will

I know your cause cannot be won
you will never realize your demise
but I will stay until it is done
or you cast me from your eyes

I watch them rise with various arms
set in their eyes to do you harm
to steal the light within your smile
to bring you pain, death and trial
I care not what their reasons be
I'll not let them take you away from me
a bullet for those who would patronize
a knife for he who would tell you lies
anything to keep your hope afloat
even if it's my hands around a limpid throat

I would not blame you, if you cast aside
my love for you, my queen, my bride
if you knew the darkness that was within
my black intention, well veiled sin

but you cannot stop me from guiding you
whether you knew not, or bitterly knew
let it be known throughout the land
that a single action guides this hand

that single action is my will
this pistol that I brandish still
without your knowledge, I protect you now
I have been able to hide somehow

until you see that unreachable goal
I will will hide my love, I will hide my soul
and never, if it is up to me
will I let you see this depravity

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A poem about someone whose life is harder than mine.

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