And weary,

Yet carrying on.


And lonely,

Bored, depressed,

Yet, automatically,

Bound to carry on.

I loved and I was loved,

Loved life too for awhile,

Yet my very own mentor,

Interfered and severed,

A bond that went on.

Then he cut me off,

From my ties with God,

By making me worldly,

And choosing her my mate,

I forgot how to go on.

Thus my own mentor,

Shackled my real self,

Cast me in living hell,

And drove me astray,

From the path I went on.

Entrapped and belittled,

Made wretched and miserable,

My self-esteem stolen,

Yet I had to live on.

Today I am unable,

To decipher and decode,

The writings of fate,

Scrolled as my destiny:

And yet, I carry on...

Why I carry on?

For who I carry on?

What all were my great goals,

Which would have given me,

The joy of my being,

I know not who to blame,

When I am forced to go on.

Let everything be destroyed,

My heart sometimes wishes,

Let all be obliterated,

And creation wiped out,

So that I find a clue,

To why I carry on...

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Produced in Karachi, Pakistan, on the 25th of November, 2008.

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palewingedpoetess's picture

hmmmmmm! Well, perhaps now you have some idea. To every thing turn turn turn there is a season turn turn turn, and a time to every purpose under heaven. A time to be born a time to die a time to live a time to give, a time of love a time of hate, a time for peace I swear it's not to late. Whenever you forget this Just listen to Turn, Turn, Turn by The Byrds. I listened to that song as a kid for years not realizing until a Bible School teacher told me and showed me that the words to that song came directly from Revelations in the Bible. Think of who you are now due to all those terrible and strange things you endured. Imagine your life without your kids, had you not gone through that forced terrible relationship, you would have not had your children. Flip that coin over and look at all the things of wonderment that came from the events and occurrences in your life. The poetry alone you were able to write. Its oh so easy to feel sorry for one's self, that is the ego whining oh poor me, poor me! The soul, as you know is joyful and agreed to the terms to come to the earth in this or that body. Everything you have gone through though you are not able to understand why now one day you will when you return to your full natural soul form. It will all make perfect sense. You love God sooooo much then why not trust him implicitly that no matter what you go through he allows it to occur because it betters your soul? You are a battered, flawed, damaged, bruised man but to so many you are an unbelievable blessing. Be of good cheer for you are whom you were meant to be. A lovely , deep thinking , well educated, smart, insightful, witty,tender, loving and spiritual man who just so happens to be an amazing poet thrown into the bargain with countless other professional talents gone unmentioned. All this and still you complain. Look at all your accomplishments and those who did, have and do love you now. You are abundantly blessed and wonderfully made. I sit in admiration of your talent Sir Poet, walk tall and thankful ever wearing your grateful shoes. You are a beacon to many who unknowingly walk in darkness. Now, please even though this poem was written well over 15 months ago please don't write from such an ego identity bound frame of mind again. It is beneath you. You are far too much an evolved spirit to fall again into such pits of ego based self pity. This poem was beautiful and skillfully written, displaying much of your vulnerability but it was far, far beneath the man many hold in such high regard. This truth I felt I must bring to your attention. If I sounded a tad 'preachy' here I do apologize. you know who!....... so why type it?