It Has To Get Better

Kennie Kayoz

There you sit in your room, it's dark and your sheets are damp.
You spend your evenings or nights crying, unsure of how else to react.
Fighting with your emotions with what went on during the day.
Trying to figure out what's best for you.

You can barely see as your eyes are blurry as they're filled with tears.
You can barely talk, feeling choked up from the day prior.
Can't things just get better.
Keep wishing that things would, I know that's what I did.

At times I even prayed to be taken away so I wouldn't have to face it.
But I woke up the next day disappointed.
Wondering why didn't my prayers get answered.
Your reading from one who can understand those feelings.

That night the same thing happens, you are sitting in your bed eyes full of tears.
Wondering how can people cause you this much torment and how long can it go on.
Your thoughts begin to race and the dark thoughts start to cloud your brain.
Knowing the thoughts are wrong, you try to find something that is right.

A outlet of sorts, a way to take your mind off of it.
Your parents know what's going on, they try to help but only can do so much.
You approach the principal and it goes no where, she tells you "I can't do anything"
That night your once again sitting in your bed with tears running down your face.

You continue to question yourself "It has to get better"
It's a long road before it does. It's not a easy road.
Many people have gone down it before, here I sit mid 30s openly admitting
That I spent nights crying back when I was in high school.

I talk more about it now than I have ever done so.
Almost everyday you read about this sort of thing online.
I could make a huge book about it spawning back from when I first talked about it.
But those were very violent, full of anger and rage.

I'm not saying I understand why it happened now.
I would like to say I'm in a better spot than I once was.
Last year or the year before I outted myself to friends and family on facebook.
Some knew, many didn't. 

Had myself a laugh two years ago about it, ran into one of the kids who bullied me.
He was still around five feet tall, I was a little taller than him back then...
I'm over six feet now, he knew who I was. He didn't say a word to me.


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