Nursery Rhyme Revision


Jack Sprat got a hold of some fat

and his wife is wolfing down lean

nobody told them,

and I'm pretty sure about this,

it is not good to lick the platter

that clean.


Dear Contrary Mary

what are cockle shells?

I am not a sea shore afficianado

like you.


Hey Dumpty

I hear egg shells

are good for the garden.

You should hook up

with Contrary Mary.


Thumb sucking Jack

put that plum back.

Here is a fork.


Was the crooked mouse

chewed by a crooked cat's

teeth then swallowed using

a crooked tongue to slide past

a crooked pharyngeal cavity?

Just curious.


Not a lot of tuffet sitting

going on Muffet. We use

chairs now. And pesticides.


Hells shells, Peter

eater of pumpkins. Love

is blind and has to be

if your wife can slice

windows and doors

for her house with a



Dear Mother Hubbard

that's what you get for putting bones

in a cupboard. Buy your poor

doggie a bowl.


Little lamb lady

lamb's wool is good

for cold winters

and when you graduate

from school, you

get a sheep's skin.


Sukie, or is that spelled

Sookie. If you heated water

a little bit faser your guests

might stay for tea.


Living in a shoe must

be  hard on an old lady

with a bunch of kids.

Today, sound whippings

will get you a day

in court for child abuse.


Simon the Simple who has no

pie purchasing power, why

are you going to the fair?

With not one penny you

ain't gone get any. Fairs going might

not be your thing.


Oh, incy bitsy spider, please

buy a rain coat and an

umbrella and know that

there is a defintion

for insanity.


Ah, tailess blind mice. Life

was not hard enough?












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