Hope

You decide… please leave a comment

You decide… please leave a comment

By jfarrell

 

I will be 50 in 2 weeks (23 december);

Should I have a party? Celebrate?

Cast your votes now please.

 

And not a joke….

My friend’, I asked, I gonna have party will you come?…

Desparately…

“yeah, I’ll happilly come to your party, I’m your best friend….

But don’t be negative, at your party.”….

He’s the one calling people names,…

But I’m the negative one?

Party cancelled.

 

But life,

Prospects, dreams have changed since then;

So very few weeks ago.

 

It used to be said ‘life begins at 40’;

Is 50 the new 40?

I’ve spent 20 years overdosing, hanging cutting my coward wrists

To not be here for 50!

 

It’s clear I’m incapable of decision…

So like Big Brother….

You decide, cast your votes…

50th birthday party?

Yes or no?

Please leave a comment

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

is the glass half empty or half full?.... 50th birthday.... something to celebrate with pride or drown in a vodka bucket full of hate and spite? i've already told you i'm incapable of a grown up decisiion ;-)

Childhood dreams

Childhood dreams

By jfarrell

 

I was born in 1967;

Man had landed on the moon

And Dr Who and Star Trek

Were the best shows on TV.

 

Too young to be afraid of Russia, or Vietnam or Yugoslavia;

Daleks, Klingons, Cybermen,

Were my enemy;

Mankind’s enemy.

 

The United Federation of Planets;

Not just us;

A host of planets, spread across the galaxy;

United.

 

 

Well, Brexit’s put that back about a billion years;

On the bright side.. if the daleks and cybermen ARE watching;

They’re wetting themselves laughing;

And all that water gonna make them very rusty

 

Maybe, mankind will survive.

When they invade.

Then I could surrender and fulfil my childhood dream…

To be assimilated; to become a BORG.

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

curious.... i wanna be assimilated.. fit in... be like everyone else.... but my country doesn't.... really curious...

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Lucky

Lucky

By jfarrell

 

Me, I’m lucky;

I still gotta roof over my head (just);

Unlike the several poor souls I passed;

Wrapped in cardboard, in shop doorways

 

On my way home from work;

At 3am;

With last night being so cold and wet as it was;

I may forget it often, but I am

 

Lucky.

 

Even luckier than the chief executive,

Who’s getting £90 million bonus, this year;

So much responsibility;

All that money.

 

Seriously; I’d drink it, maybe buy a toy, and get bored with it;

The dude who is getting it… why…

He’ll use the money - new house, cars, holidays;

He’ll spread it around, recirculate it.

 

Lucky.

 

I do what I can; couple quid here, cup of coffee there;

On £7.50 an hour (£8.50, if I get a ‘rich’ booking)

There’s too many for me to feed.

But, I do what I can.

 

The difference between me and that executive?

He’ll buy things, spread it around; more people would benefit;

I’d drink it, and still only give a few quid here and cup of coffee there;

I may have a ‘good’ heart, but I’m a drunk.

 

Luckiest.

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

i've kknown sleeping on the streets - i'm lucky and i don't wanna go back there, and my heart cries out to those who have to sleep out tomight, in this weather

Dragon scale gown

Dragon scale gown

By jfarrell

 

 

Dazzling…

Eyes blind - everywhere you look

Seared golden brand

Reality, a fog on the edges.

 

Shut your eyes,

The burning, golden scar of light

You still see;

Open eyes; reality still a dense fog, on the edge.

 

Light, stars, madness, pain, joy;

I don’t know how;

My dragon gave to me a cloak…

Woven from her scales.

 

When you look at me, I don’t know what you see;

I can’t see me anymore;

I see a smartly dressed waiter, bartender, food dispenser;

Not a mass murderer… gimme a machine gun!!! PLEASE!!!!

 

Light, so beautiful, you have to praise god;

Dark so powerful, you have to hope there’s a devil;

OMFG!!!! my dragon is so beautiful! More real!!!!

…. but I KNOW your’s are more beautiful, and breathtakingly stunning…

 

Please, SHOW ME!

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

mission impossible masks - rip off the waiter, bartender still here;

rip off that mask....

want cookie with your coffee...

or fries with you hamburger?.....

drunk, stoned, i got so many masks

no-one's gonna find my ghost ;-)

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Nevers

Nevers

By jfarrell

 

 

25th floor of a building in central London, with big windows;

I’d never seen London at night, all lights;

Was beautiful; first time I actually appreciated what London could be;

Until last night, I’d never been that high up and seen London.

 

I’d never been to Wembley, never been to Lord’s Cricket Ground;

Never got a roomful of important people drunk on entry;

“Champagne, sir or madam?”

I’d never served coffee to a room of professors.

 

Until my present employer, Berkeley Scott (BIG thank you, amazing);

I’d never experienced a road, a street…

The walk there takes five minutes..

After work, that same walk takes an hour or more.

 

Before BKS (Berkeley Scott)….

I’d never walked anywhere,

As part of a sea, an arrow, a swarm of people;

40, 000 people, all headed for the same tube station.

 

I’m nearly 50, these last 6 months seen a lot of nevers happening;

Nearly 50; never had family or kids or meaningful relationship;

BKS helping me destroy a lot of nevers;

Maybe, even this late in the race, some nevers can still be changed.

 

I don’t want my future (what’s left),

Just OK, managing;

I’d like my future to be good, worth the effort;

Maybe another never can be destroyed.

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

thinking in a brand new way - for me, at least :-)

What Christmas really means!

       What Christmas really means

Christmas used to mean something but that didn't really last

People now a days have forgotten it's true meaning and quite fast

Christmas isn't about presents, food, or even fancy scenes

One special gift lying in a manger that's what Christmas really means

It isn't about how many things you can get under the tree

Or that perfect ham that youve been glazing I hope you will agree

Christmas means so much more then those decorated evergreens

It means there's Hope for all the world cuz that's what Christmas really means

And when Jesus came to us that night even though he was quite small

It means that for us to go to in heaven he had to make that Call

Christmas means a while lot more then most people know or so it seams

So remember on this joyous day what Christmas really means

 

         Zoey cup

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I wrote this one cuz some have forgotten what Christmas is about it's not about what you can give someone or what you can get it's not about presents or that big meal you've prepared it's about good will toward all mankind and helping your fellow man and family getting togethe!!! I hope you like it

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White paper flower

A White paper flower for your paper crane

one drawn from the ground the other raised to the sky

Brighter than the snow 

Liighter than the air 

Hope floats 

As hope grows 

Message from beyond 

The crane and the flower still exist 

In memory and thought 

But most of all ieternally in spirit.

Pictures in the windows 

A nod from the stars 

Paper flowers smile up

At paper cranes 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Loss

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~ SLEEP ~

             ~ Sleep ~                         

 

Sleep continues eluding me
while thoughts of you keep pursuing,
stopping my dreams from unfolding 
& knowing dawn comes early,
it wakes me to reality 
knowing there will never be
what could've been, what might've been, 
& so I'm waiting, while pursuing
a kind of on-hold aching peace
filled with lingering remembering
wondering if you, too
are ever sleepless
thinking about me................................

 

 

Sleep calls to me, 
but my heart is just not listening,
as the overflow
keeps gently falling
like autumn rain 
on gardens still growing
though summer's come & gone already, 
with winter's soon arrival coming,
when the seed will finally fall & die
when you're no longer in my life
but in the one to come, & finally
home will be reality
as it always felt yet never could be
between us, as it was meant to be.....................

 

 

I love you more than I've let free,
it remains hidden within the depths of me,
as I let you go you're still in all I see,
but I know I must just let you be
while reaching yet withdrawing, all in disguise, 
it's expressing from my eyes & with my sighs,
yet words are never spoken freely,
truths are hidden, although I see
this love will never go away
until we do, & that's ok, 
love never ends, 
til we go home...
...I'll endure loving while alone...................

 

 

Sleep's the escape 
I need to find,
I cannot get you off my mind, 
but I know I must crucify
what's refusing to depart or die, 
so exhausted though I am right now
I will lay all this down somehow
& let His Spirit minister to my heart
that {even with His peace} is still torn apart,
only He knows the secrets within,
only He understands my secret sin,
only He can help me understand
what is & isn't in His plan,
so sleep, come find me, bring release
from words that circle, searching for peace.
              *~*~*~*~*

~ Anastazia Rowe ~    
Oct. 30th, 4 am, 2017.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Take it all, Lord....cleanse & restore ONLY what is YOUR perfect will...
...mine is blind to how You see things tonight, 
so I let the rest fall into the ground & die like a grain of wheat,
fruitless 'til death comes & heals & transforms me ~

 

{G'nite, hopfully, at 4:30 am, almost...}

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The apartment

Sitting on a hill

Looking at pictures and thinkin

Wondering if she’ll want to still

Is the price quite right I’m wondrin

 

Apartments, studios, 1 room basements

Bed, couch, microwave, toaster

Thinking of putting our names on the lease statement

Could we do it I wonder?

 

Her head on the pillow next to mine

Waking in the morning for eggs and bacon

Taking a shower till both our skins shine

It’s with this idea I’m taken

 

Could we do it?

Could it really work?

On our own couch could we sit?

I think, living with her? A nice apartments just a perk

 

I always wanted a happy home

With someone perfect and loving

And not ever be alone

Now wouldn’t that be something

 

I love her to pieces

Staying home in Friday nights

Watching dumb movies and feeding her pizza and Reese’s

God, wouldn’t that feel right

 

I want to rent this room

Spend so much time with her, in our little home

God, can we do this soon?

Cause I can’t imagine doing it alone

 

So come with me

And rent this dinky little place

Spend some time with me

 

So much potential in this tiny space

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