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...i was thinking today...
walking to the station...
from being late at school
i was thinking
as i always do...
getting lost in myself...
thinking about what i have become...
and how i dont like this persona i wear...
and as you look behind it...
you will see this little girl...
that is the real me...
she yells and screams as i try to hide her...
my shadow as you may call her...
the part i want no one to see...
i got on the subway
put my backpack down on the floor
and sat ontop of it (because there were no seats)
i thought about you,me,her, and him...
i know what its like...
i still think about him...
it was only 7 years ago almost...
and i still grieve...
i just saw him...
had class and everything...
turned around and he was on the ground...
he stopped breathing...
i was told to go home...
the phone rang...
"Caitlin hes dead..."
"are you joking me?"
"no its on the news"
i didn't watch the news...
i was going to see him tomorrow
and tell him about what happened...
and how it was so funny...
i played video games and listened to blink 182...
i feel like it was just yesterday it all happened...
for three days i didn't see him...
but he was still alive...
i did what they told me to do...
untill i saw him...
i knew he wasnt coming back...
i still think about it...
but i was on the rt today...
going home...
and i looked at myself...
and i wondered who i was...
as she yelled at me...
to just let it out...
i shook my head no...
and didnt know who i was anymore...
i've been lost for so long now...
and i thought of you...
and i was still lost...
i got off the rt...
and waited for the bus...
as she begged to be free...
i don't want to let her out...
