I Hate Myself And Want To Die


I hate myself and want to die

It doesn't even matter why

I sit here holding this beautiful gun

And with its help, my pain is gone

The most beautiful explosiong I'll ever hear

Is that of this gun as the bullet draws near

Hitting my skull and killing my brain

This cute little bullet will end my pain

I don't know how it came to this

My life you see, has never been bliss

Happiness has always eluded me

And when it's in my grasp

I cause it to flee.

I wish it didn't have to be this way

Wish there was some other way

To deal with my pain

I think of my friends and sit here and cry

They may wonder why I had to die

I hope they do not dwell on me

The best thing for them

Is simply to forget me...

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I wrote this when I was a very dark place. I'm no longer there, but I keep works like this to remind me of the past.

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Free-Spirited_Wolf's picture

Like the poem...I've been

Like the poem...I've been there, hated myself and wanted to commit suicide, but suicide ain't gonna answer a thing. It's just gonna make things worse. Ya know, I used to cut myself and I enjoyed it, I loved the pain I felt, but I had to quit cuz I was gonna lose my bff, which I guess in the end it didn't matter, cuz I've already lost him basically, but the thing is, I quit, I fought that battle and won it. Now, I can't say, I don't ever wanna cut anymore, cuz sometimes I do, but I fight the urge. I used to think about suicide but in the end i thought about my friends and family, I stayed strong for them and did not take my life. I'm glad you're not in that dark place anymore, and you need to stay strong and don't go back to that place. Don't let depression be an ongoing war, like it is with me, if you can keep the depression away, then keep it away, cuz it ain't no fun. I've fought an ongoing war of depression for most of my life, I'm fighting it now, and it's worse that it's ever been, but I refuse to give up. If you do end up back in a battle with depression, live up to the soldier you are and don't give up. A soldier never gives up.

"I will fly on the wings of love"

Andrea Vipperman's picture

I'm glad that you are no-longer in that dark place.
the poem does make me think of similar thoughts, but as you say they are moments from the past.